<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Maybe this time by Nookirby</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24373663">Maybe this time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nookirby/pseuds/Nookirby'>Nookirby</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead To Me (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, a bit of denial perhaps, but jen is pretty neat so she does deserve the best, i mean judy is too good for everyone realistically, its just some good old yearning, jen is very much in love w judy but thinks judy is too good for her, judy coming to terms with the fact that she and jen are married and they should bang, this is set mid s2, this is the first fic ive written in a year</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:42:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,434</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24373663</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nookirby/pseuds/Nookirby</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Michelle asked Judy out on a date and Judy said yes. She's single and not necessarily ready but open to the possibility of mingling. She just can't shake the feeling that it might not be Michelle she wants to mingle with after all. She refuses to let herself love again, fearing what she might lose if it doesn't work out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Judy Hale/Jen Harding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>269</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Something's bound to begin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>good times good times</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So, I was thinking that tomorrow we could watch a movie together as a family. We haven't done that in a while." Jen suggested at dinner, earning a deadly stare from Charlie, who seemed to be out every friday night nowadays. Henry however seemed excited as usual, when it came to their family bonding time. </p><p> </p><p>"That sounds awesome! What are we going to watch?" He was practically jumping in his seat bursting with joy, undoubtedly hoping for a 2 hour sing-along to one of his favourite musicals. There's nothing that he loved more than performing for his mom and Judy who were always ready to cheer him on, no matter how out of his range the song being performed was. At home he was a star.</p><p> </p><p>" Well I'm pretty sure it's Judy's time to pick the movie. But I'm sure you guys can decide together. " Jen looked over at the woman, who seemed unusually silent on the subject. Usually she loved spending time with Jen and the boys. </p><p> </p><p>" I'm sorry but I can't join you guys this time... I have a date." Judy explained apologetically, avoiding Jen's gaze. Judy could feel Jen’s eyes on her. </p><p> </p><p>"A date? With who?" Jen immediately jumped in, trying to avoid sounding accusatory but failing miserably.  </p><p> </p><p>"Well, I've told you about Michelle right?" Judy turned to Jen. She was nervously waiting for Jen's reaction and she didn't quite know the reason for her stress. I mean surely Jen wasn't homophobic, and she would want Judy to be happy, so what was the big problem? </p><p> </p><p>"Her? You're going out on a date with Michelle?" Jen was in disbelief to put it lightly. "I didn't know you swung that way." </p><p> </p><p>"Who's Michelle?" Henry interrupted, confused by the conversation. </p><p> </p><p>" She's a friend I met at work." Judy told him, eyes still fixed on Jen, trying desperately to read her without much success. Jen was stone faced. Judy turned to face Henry. " She has her own restaurant, and we are going for dinner tonight. She's pretty cool." Judy winked at Henry, who seemed very supportive and excited about the idea of Judy having a chef friend. </p><p> </p><p>"Since Judy isn't coming, can I skip too? I was gonna meet my- " Charlie started but was interrupted by his extremely irritated mother. </p><p> </p><p>"No you can't fucking skip it. You'll meet your friends some other night. Judy can go on her..." Jen looked over to Judy, " ..date but me and you guys will still have a good time right? Judy can join us next time." </p><p> </p><p>" I wouldn't skip it for the world! I mean I am skipping it now, but it's only because Michelle and I already agreed on tomorrow and I wouldn't want to cancel when she made time out of her busy schedule just for me." Judy stammered, feeling guilty about not joining them. </p><p> </p><p>"Judy don't worry about it. It's ok." Jen assured, but didn't convince Judy. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>           The next day went swimmingly, but Judy was, as Jen pointed out several times throughout the day, way in her head. Judy just shook it off to Jen as stress about you know the whole mess they had made with Steve (which earned her a soft “oh honey” and an assuring hand on her back) but really she was going over the dinner discussion they had had the night before.  </p><p>            Judy couldnt help but feel that she had done something wrong by agreeing to go on a date with Michelle. She and Jen weren’t together of course, but they also had not discussed the possibility of having company over in the future. It goes without saying that hypothetically this would happen only if the boys were at Lorna’s of course. Jen surely didn’t want to bring men (or women) over unless the relationship seemed to have some serious roots. But Jen didn’t date at all. She didn’t even socialize with anyone other than Judy and perhaps Christopher, Lorna when she had no choice. Jen was clearly happy in the bubble Judy and their boys lived in, and didn’t feel the need to bring other people into their space. They were both aware of the fact that at some point they would probably want to date and find love again but it hadn’t really felt relevant with everything going on. At least not until Michelle asked Judy out.    </p><p> </p><p>   Judy liked Michelle a lot. But she had also started to wonder about her relationship with Jen, after Michelle had brought up the possibility of them being together. Judy of course shrugged it off, they weren’t together after all, just friends, living together, raising kids together, sometimes sleeping in the same bed if Jen was in a good mood and willing to subject herself to the horror of being spooned by Judy, which Judy knew she secretly enjoyed.   </p><p>    Judy felt like cancelling her date, just to calm down the thoughts in her head.   </p><p> </p><p>Jen however went out of her way to assure Judy that the date was a good idea and Judy should absolutely go and have some fun. </p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me? Of course you’re going!”  </p><p>“I don’t want to go at the expense of our family time.” Judy explained whilst pacing around the kitchen. “You know I love spending time with you. And the boys of course!” She stopped in front of Jen who was sitting at the kitchen counter following Judy with her gaze. </p><p>“We know you do. But we also want you to be happy and if Michelle makes you happy then  that’s that. There’s no but’ s or what if’s. We wouldnt want your life to be unfullfilled at the expense of us.” Jen said earnestly, emphasizing on “we” as if the boys gave much thought to Judy’s dating life.           </p><p>“I guess that’s that.” Judy said quietly giving Jen a small smile. </p><p>Jen’s face was filled with warmth at the sight of the younger woman smiling again, after a particularly frustrating and stressful day. She ended the moment quickly as she started to rush Judy out of the kitchen to get ready for her date.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. It's got to happen, happen sometime</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I write on the bus on my way to work so I don't know what that means for my updates. I'm trying to get the next chapter out soon as well as this one was a bit shorter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the boys had gone to bed, Jen was left sitting alone in the kitchen waiting for Judy to come home as if she were a teenager with a curfew. It was almost 10 pm and Jen was expecting her to walk in any minute now. The thought of Judy having stayed the night at Michelle's crossed her mind, and she dreaded the idea, not wanting to sleep alone.  Judy not staying the night made the situation a bit easier. Perhaps it shouldn't have been hard in the first place. Jen felt like Judy coming home from her date to her and wrapping her arms around her at end of the night, would feel like Michelle had gotten the short end of the stick, which shouldnt make Jen feel happy but she couldnt help but want Judy back home with her. Then again maybe them sharing a room would no longer be an option if Judy was in a commited relationship with someone.  </p><p>        Jen had almost hoped that neither of them would have started dating at all, and instead their life would have continued the way it is. Just the two of them and their completely unlabeled relationship that bordered on a marriage at this point. Somehow it worked and it made sense and Jen was happy and thought Judy had been too. If a romantic relationship was what Judy desired, she deserved it, Jen just secretly wished that perhaps she and Judy could’ve just eventually settled in together and become something more than friends. That they had just slowly ended up in a relationship without noticing. (maybe not so secretly as Christopher wouldn’t stop calling Judy her girlfriend now that they shared a bed on top of the kids and the house they had together) Jen was  admittedly never much of a romantic, but for Judy she would have certainly tried her best. Nothing made her happier than seeing the other womans smile and hearing her laugh fill the air. Jen was aware that if the circumstances weren't what they now appeared to be (killing each others husbands and all that) that the feelings she was having could be called love. But she felt that the enormous stress and her guilt over Steve were probably clouding her judgement, or perhaps she was punishing herself for what she did by purposefully falling for a woman she couldn’t have. That must be it. Just some good old fucking psychological torture. Makes more sense than genuine human emotion. Definitely. </p><p> </p><p>Jen got herself a bottle of wine to keep her company as she sunk into a depression. The thought of losing Judy pained her heart. She didn't notice in her deep contemplation that she had begun to cry, which had woken up a very worried Henry. </p><p> </p><p>"Are you okay mom?" Henry asked from the doorway, making Jen jump a little, as she was unable to fully register the source of the voice in her drunken state. She wiped her tears before turning to Henry with a forced smile. </p><p> </p><p>"Of course sweetie, I'm fine." Jen realized how fake that sounded as soon as she said it through the tears. </p><p> </p><p>" Do you miss Judy? Because I miss her too. There's nothing to be embarrased about. " Henry said matter of factly. "Judy always says that we should let ourselves feel freely." </p><p> </p><p>"She does huh?" Jen let out a tiny sound that resembled a laugh. Henry smiled at his mother brightly like the angel he was. “She would.” Jen hummed to herself. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you want me to sleep with you now that Judy is gone?” Henry inquired. “ I’m a pretty good cuddler too!“ </p><p> </p><p>Jen felt warm and happy again. Judy might not be here but she had her boys and perhaps that was enough if the other woman eventually decided she wanted more than Jen could give her. </p><p> </p><p>“Yes you are! That’s very sweet.” Jen ruffled her sons hair whilst basking in the joy of having such a wonderful family. “But I’m sure I’ll be fine.” She continued. “You should go to bed. It’s late.” </p><p> </p><p>“ You should go too mom. Let’s go upstairs. “ Henry offered his mother his tiny hand and gestured her to come with him. “Come on mom. I’m sure Judy misses us too and would want you to sleep.” </p><p> </p><p>Jen laughed.  </p><p>“You really know how to convince me.” She grabbed Henrys hand and let him lead her up the stairs. Henry walked her to her door, got on his tiptoes and with a little help from Jen, gave her a kiss goodnight.  </p><p> </p><p>“Night mom.” </p><p> </p><p>“Good night honey.” </p><p> </p><p>Henry started walking to his door but turned around to look back at his mom. </p><p> </p><p>“Mom?” </p><p> </p><p>“Mmmh what?” Jen asked sleepily. </p><p> </p><p>“ Judy’s not leaving us right? “ He asked quietly with genuine concern in his voice.  </p><p> </p><p>“Of course not. We are a family.” Jen reminded him.  </p><p> </p><p>Henry seemed pleased enough with his mothers answer and went into his room, leaving  Jen once again alone, standing in the hallway wondering if things will ever be the same.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Home at last</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cool cool cool</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the morning when Jen woke up, the first thought in her mind was Judy. She wondered if Judy had stayed the night at Michelle’s, or come home after Jen had gone to bed. The thought of getting up and going downstairs to see the kitchen empty didn’t feel like an option she wanted to choose, so Jen decided on staring at the wall and sinking in melancholy instead. How was she supposed to get by after Judy would eventually leave, if she couldn’t even spend a night alone in her own home? </p><p>After a good twenty minutes or so Jen could no longer stay in bed with good conscience, so she dragged herself out of bed, got dressed and headed downstairs to make some breakfast. </p><p>When Jen finally got to the kitchen opening, she felt warm again. Judy was making breakfast like always and Henry was by her side explaining something with excitement evident in his voice. Judy managed to pay attention to both Henry and the omelet she was making, and the joyous pair seemed so familiar and content. This was the scene Jen had woken up to for the past few weeks, and it always made her days start pleasantly. </p><p> </p><p>“Mom!” Henry yelled, bursting with energy, as he ran into his mother's arms.  “Me and Judy are making breakfast.” He told his mother proudly, taking her by the hand and dragging her into the heart of their home. </p><p>Judy’s smile was so genuine and full of love, that for a moment Jen forgot she had ever left. The two women locked eyes as Jen made her way to the stove, lead by Henry, who left the two women alone to go fetch himself a pen and his notebook perhaps? Jen couldn’t fully concentrate when looking at Judy. </p><p>“Hi.” Judy said awkwardly, perhaps sensing that the date was a sore subject between them now. </p><p>“Hi. Good to have you home.” Jen wrapped her arm around Judy’s waist just for a moment, tugging her closer, somehow managing to make “hugging your best friend” an awkward act. Judy’s eyes were searching something from Jen’s face, perhaps a supportive look regarding her newfound social life, or the loving gaze Jen would bless her with in the early hours of the morning, when they were laughing in bed heavy with sleep. Jen could feel the intensity of Judy’s eyes on her, their faces too close, considering the fact that Judy probably had a girlfriend now. (not that Jen would ask or care, assumptions made it hard enough) Jen leaned in to smell the colourful array of vegetables in the pan, scrunched her nose and let out a little “mmmm”. </p><p>“Whatcha cooking, good looking?” She turned to see Judy laugh and drift away from Jen’s arm still ghosting on her back. Jen gave Judy a quick smile, and leaned away. </p><p>“Just making some omelets for you guys. Thought I might have something to make up for. Consider them “I’m sorry I didn’t come to our family get together” omelets.” Judy gave Jen her best puppy eyes and Jen waved her off with a smile on her face. </p><p>“I doubt the name will catch on.” Jen teased. “Culinary arts might be more in your wheelhouse than mine, but let me take care of the marketing side.” </p><p>“Deal.” Judy smiled, infact she never really stopped, Judy seemed to be always smiling or laughing when they were together, at least when they weren’t discussing manslaughter.  </p><p>A Comfortable silence fell between the two. After a little while Jen couldn’t hold in her questions anymore. </p><p>“I didn’t hear you come home last night.”  </p><p>“Oh, I was home pretty late last night so I didn’t want to wake you up. I slept in the guest house.” Judy explained. “We got very drunk, so I decided it would be better to sober up at Michelle’s for a bit before heading home.” Judy looked at Jen, who was making herself a cup of coffee but refused to look up from her cup. “I’m sorry if you were waiting on me.”  </p><p>“I wasn’t.” She stated as if she hadn’t just sat on the couch for hours waiting for Judy to get back. She was pleased enough with the answer for now, so she decided to change the subject. “Have you woken up Charlie yet?” </p><p>“No, I checked on him, but he was still asleep an hour ago, so I just let him rest.”   </p><p>“Probably stayed up all night playing video games. It’s time he’ll get up, if he’s tired it’s on him.” Jen started making her way back upstairs, but turned back to look at Judy when she got to the doorway. She stood for a moment and contemplated what to say, if anything. She decided against her usual instincts, wanting to assure Judy that she wasn’t mad about her leaving and that the other woman was always welcome in their home. </p><p>“I’m glad you’re home.” </p><p>“I think you said that already.” Judy let out a soft laugh as she turned back to Jen. “You do know I wasn’t gone for even a day right?” She teased, making Jen blush lightly before she turned to leave. </p><p>“ Just tryina be nice, don’t ruin it.” Jen yelled after she was fully out of sight.          </p><p> </p><p>After they had all had breakfast together, the boys went to their rooms and left the two women alone on the couch, Jen chugging her second cup of coffee for courage as wine didn’t seem appropriate before 10am. Fuck that rule, she thought. </p><p>Jen coughed to buy herself more time, but by the time she had finished her coughing episode, Judy’s face was filled with worry, and Jen wasn’t any more prepared for the conversation she was about to have. She wasn’t all about girl talk anyways, and the thought of gossiping about Judy’s newest fling didn’t interest her the lightest, but Judy would expect her to mention it and Jen probably couldn’t stand not knowing how the date went. </p><p>“So how was Michelle?” Jen inquired avoiding eye contact, trying to simultaneously act indifferent and interested and coming off as neither. </p><p>“She was...” Judy paused, thinking for a moment. “She was good, she was nice.” She said plainly, but a smile covered her face, which told Jen it wasn’t just a boring nice date. </p><p>“Good AND nice, huh? I guess you won the jackpot there.” Jen teased, bringing her coffee cup to her lips. </p><p>“She was very interesting. We had fun and I like her a lot.” Judy stated, quite convincingly. “I think I’m going to see her again. If that’s okay.” She looked at Jen, who didn’t seem to react in any way. </p><p>“Of course it’s okay. It’s your own choice. If you want to see her you should.” Jen smiled reassuringly, her heart breaking with every word. </p><p>“Thank you.” Judy took Jen’s hand in hers. “I’ve really missed this you know, having someone. It’s been a while since I’ve really felt a connected to someone.” </p><p>“I know.” Jen said looking at her coffee cup, as looking at Judy, pained too much right now. “You deserve the fucking best alright.” </p><p> “So do you.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have a pretty clear outline for this fic so i think it will probably be done by sunday unless something magically comes up, hope yall enjoy! :-)</p><p>also next chapter is judy pov again i think, i havent started yet but thats the goal</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. She'll stay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Judy was glad to be home. She had so much fun on her date with Michelle, and that was definitely what she had needed midst all this stress, but she hadn't really been out of the house without Jen and the boys except to shop groceries, work and perform murder cover up related hijinks. It definitely felt new to her.   </p><p> Everyone seemed pleased to have her back. Which, considering the time they were apart, seemed excessive, but in relation to the bubble they had stayed in ever since Steve, it made sense that any possible change in routines would create emotional  havoc.   </p><p>Henry was visibly the happiest of the three, showing Judy some extra love on top of the usual amount, which already was more than enough to make Judy's eyes well up.    </p><p>Charlie seemed to be a bit more easy going too, trying to show his appreciation by joining his family for lunch instead of eating in his room. He even engaged in some friendly banter during dinner, and joked around lightly with Jen and Henry, the three of them competing on who could make Judy laugh the hardest. Henry's win was well deserved, but Charlie opening up more to Judy, by letting his angsty teenager act fall bit by bit, made Judy feel warm was a win of its own.   </p><p>Jen was completely back to normal by lunch, and all the awkwardness of the morning after was thankfully gone. They teased each other like always and casually held hands at the table. Judy had briefly considered whether it be appropriate to be so close with Jen if she were in a relationship with Michelle, but surely that's just how besties are and Michelle would agree.  </p><p>After lunch Jen took Charlie driving whilst Judy and Henry retreated into the guest house, which now served as an atelier for Judy. They had taken up the hobby of painting together, to help calm Henry's nerves and exercise his patience. Judy couldn't feel happier to teach Henry all about the wonderful world of art and painting.    </p><p> </p><p>"I'm so happy you're back."   </p><p>"I'm happy to be back." Judy grinned at Henry, who was enthusiastically mixing his colours to get the perfect ones to paint his bird father.   </p><p>"I was scared you were going to leave." Henry stopped swirling his brush to look up at Judy, who was behind a canvas of her own.  </p><p>"Oh honey. I would never leave you guys." The woman felt dreadful thinking about the stress she must have accidentally caused Henry. " I just went out for a dinner that's all. Not going anywhere." Judy assured.   </p><p>"I know. Mom was just so sad and I thought maybe it was because you weren't coming back or something." Henry explained, raising his brush to his canvas, not noticing Judy popping up from behind hers.   </p><p>"How do you know she was feeling that way?" Judy asked curiously, trying to seem conversational rather than worried to avoid worrying Henry.   </p><p>" I came to get a glass of water and she was crying." Henry told Judy nonchalantly. "But it's okay. She just missed you. You're home now so she's happy again." He smiled brightly at Judy, who had stopped working on her piece altogether.   </p><p>"Oh." Judy didn't know what to say, not wanting make a big deal out of this in front of Henry but desperately craving the knowledge that Jen hadn't stayed up crying All Night waiting for her to come home, whilst she was getting drunk with Michelle.    </p><p> "You know, my mom was really sad after dad... you know. And it made me sad to see her so lonely. Now she's so happy again and she's got you. And I don't have to worry because I know you'll take care of her when I'm at school." Henry's voice was light but earnest. He was moving his brush on the canvas softly, not noticing the silence caused by Judy whiping her tears onto her dress, whilst gathering a coherent response.   </p><p> " I'm so sorry your mom had to go through that." She spoke softly, beating herself up for having caused this family so much misery. She walked to Henry and gently took his face into her hands." But I'm glad you feel that I'm worth your trust. And I'll make sure to prove you right. Making your mom happy is all I care about. " Judy said truthfully, considering for a moment what that meant. What it meant that the greatest purpose life had given her was making a singular person feel happy and loved. It wasn't just about the guilt. She really cared for Jen and her boys, so very dearly. Her train of thought crashed, when   Jen walked into the guest house calling out Henry's name.   </p><p> </p><p>"There you are sweetie. " Jen's eyes found Judy's within seconds, and her expression changed. "You guys okay?"   </p><p>"Yeah we were just talking." Henry chimed in. " Letting out feelings and stuff. You know how art therapy is. "  </p><p>" I do not know how  art therapy is. " Jen said, still concerned, despite Judy's best efforts to flash her way an earnest smile that said "I'm fine.". "And I don't know if i want to." A look of fake disgust was painted on Jen's face, making Henry giggle.   </p><p>" Come on mom. I'm sure it would be good for you, right Judy? " Henry turned back to the other woman.  </p><p>" Right." Judy agreed, wiping the remains of her tears away.    </p><p>“I'll think about it okay?" Jen ruffled his sons hair gently. "How about you go get some of that ice cream me and Charlie bought and Judy can give me a tour of her talking sticks."   </p><p> As soon as ice cream was mentioned, Henry was out the door, and Jen was fully focused on a very disheveled Judy.   </p><p>"The fuck? Are you alright?"   </p><p>"I'm fine!" Judy let out a laugh to ease Jen's worry. " Henry just said some very sweet things that's all." </p><p> Jen raised her eyebrows in disbelief.   </p><p>"You know how emotional I can get!"    </p><p>"Yeah you are a cry baby. I know this. " Jen teased Judy and took a step towards her. Her arm grabbed Judy's shoulder and pulled her closer. "Well, you know best I'm sure."  She said softly into Judy's hair, as she held the younger woman tightly in her arms.   </p><p>Judy was quiet and wrapped her arms around Jen's waist. Her face found it's place in the crook of the other woman's neck and she  just took in the moment of tenderness that Jen was giving her. They weren't rare, even initiated by Jen, but Judy definitely didn't take them for granted.   </p><p> They stood like that for a moment before Jen pulled away.    </p><p> "Let's go before our boys finish all the ice cream by themselves." Jen joked, taking a long look at Judy, examining her face, before turning away to leave the guest house, still holding onto the other woman's hand with dear life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for the sweet comments guys! I appreciate them a lot. :)  I'm glad you are enjoying reading this as much as I'm enjoying writing it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Love don't hurry away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You know for some reason I started this fic by naming the chapters with lines from 'Maybe this time' from cabaret and I've never seen it or heard the original song I just happened to rewatch the Schitts creek episode that day. But im kinda done spiralling so i'll just acknowledge that the cabaret shit is done</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunday came around, and Jen felt lighter again. In the morning she woke up to a sleepy Judy, who, as soon as Jen's eyes opened, gave her cheek a quick kiss (you know for the sake of routine) and flung out of bed, despite her tiredness. She stumbled to go fetch herself a change of clothes from the closet, where her entire wardrobe had slowly moved to, and settled on a cute skirt.. All her skirts were cute, Jen thought to herself, watching the other woman pick herself a shirt to match the floral pattern of the skirt in question. When Judy disappeared into the bathroom, Jen got up to get changed herself.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>Jen was ready before Judy was even done showering (arguably Jen only had to put on some sweatpants) and she headed to the kitchen to make some breakfast. She took her time on the stairs, secretly hoping Judy would catch up and offer to make breakfast instead. It wasn't necessarily that Jen was such a bad cook that she shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen, but Judy just liked cooking more. And Jen liked watching her pace back and forth in the kitchen, excited about a new recipe she was trying for the first time. Jen stopped to realize how out of character it was for her to genuinely enjoy domesticity and family time. Compared to before Ted, when she really only thrived at work, life felt so much better now, so much fuller. And it was mostly thanks to Judy.   </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"Waiting for me?" Judy's voice coming from behind her startled Jen.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>" Just thinking." Jen smiled assuringly at Judy, who quickly went past her with a grin, but stopped a few steps down.   </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"Anything you wanna talk about?" Judy squinted her eyes, probably ready to go get her talking sticks and crystals.   </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>Jen just shook her head and started descending down the stairs after Judy, who gave up on pressuring her and skipped to the kitchen.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"You have any breakfast needs you would like me to fulfill?" Judy turned around to face Jen, when she finally walked up to the counter. The shy smile and a slightly flirtatious tone in Judy's voice, that Jen probably read too much into, made Jen's mouth go dry. She turned around and walked a few steps towards the fridge, acting like she desperately needed some orange juice.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"Ermm... No I don't have any special requests. I'm sure Henry would like pancakes." Jen said as she took out a bottle of juice.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"Sounds good to me. " Judy started gathering her ingredients.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>After finishing the batter, she spoke.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"I need to stop by Michelle's after breakfast." She glanced at Jen looking for a reaction. All she got was a blank face, which in itself was telling enough.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>Jen just stared at Judy for a moment, looking for a response that didn't involve swear words.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"Oh."  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"It's just that I left my scarf there." Judy explained. "She is at work though. So i won't be seeing her." Judy looked back at Jen again. No reaction. " Her roommate is letting me in."  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>" Why'd you need that scarf so badly anyways?"  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"I like that scarf!" Judy said, slightly defensive. "And I was thinking I could wear  it to Henry's parent teacher meeting tomorrow with the purple dress."   </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>Jen hated that she knew exactly which dress Judy was talking about. Studying her friends figure daily really paid off. She was so concentrated on the last words, that she almost missed an important detail.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"What did you say?"   </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>Judy went quiet and as soon as Jen questioned her, all that could be heard was quiet, almost incoherent mumbling with a familiarly apologetic tone.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"I'm sorry." Jen could make out in-between the quiet sentences. "I'm sorry, I should have asked... I just assumed without thinking and .... of course it's not my place to be at Henry's parent teacher meetings. I just thought maybe I could be there as a friend just helping you not that you need help..." Jen interrupted the apology as quickly as she could get a word in.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>" What the fuck are you saying?" She said, trying to avoid sounding angry. (which she wasn't, with Judy at least but Steve on the other hand? Jen wished she would've smacked him sooner) “Of course it's your place." Jen's voice softened as she took Judy's hand over the counter into her own. "You are just as much Henry's mother as I am. Maybe even more. I didn't even remember the parent teacher night, hence my reaction. Don't worry about it. "  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>Judy started to smile again, making Jen's heart beat uncontrollably in her chest.   </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"Thank you."  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>"I'll be there, you just go get that scarf, can't have my wifey looking anything less than perfect at the pta." Jen teased playfully, wondering if she had gone a step too far.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> <br/>Judy blushed, just a little bit, and laughed. Jen felt overwhelmed just looking at her, and all of a sudden, just like that,  Jen was pretty sure she was in love.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Nobody loves me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Judy left almost immediately after breakfast, like the two women had agreed. Jen was trying her best to keep herself from wondering when Judy would be back, and if she would run into Michelle after all, but she couldn't keep Judy out of her mind. She grew anxious after realizing that this could be a new norm for them, so she decided on putting all her painful feelings aside, and concentrating on her boys. </p><p> </p><p>Sadly, when she inquired Charlie for a non-violent video game that she and the boys could play together, Jen was met with a hurried "Get out, I'm in the middle of a game!", which arised an array of curses and lectures in Jens mind, but she decided to let him be, just for today. </p><p> </p><p>Henry on the other hand loved the idea of spending some time with his mom, but told her very seriously, that he couldn't do anything before he had finished his secret art piece he was making for Judy.  </p><p> </p><p>So there Jen was, alone again. Just like before. Opening a bottle of wine relatively early on a sunday. She did respectfully wait until 10am though. A classy 10:01 glass of wine. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jen's mind was running in circles with stress. Judy had taken her time to assure Jen that Michelle wouldn't be at the house, and it made Jen wonder if she had come on too strong with her annoyance towards Michelle. She really had tried her best to convince the other woman that she didn't mind if Judy started to spend her nights at Michelle’s and eventually left her and the boys. It was just hard to lie when she felt so strongly about it.  </p><p> </p><p>When Jen really thought about it, she had no right or reason (maybe she had plenty of reason after the "I think I'm in love with my best friend/ husbands killer" realization) to be jealous. She had no ownership over Judy since she hadn't even expressed her feelings openly for the other woman, and would most likely take those feelings to her grave. She felt almost worse about her own behavior, than Judy leaving. </p><p> </p><p>Here she was getting drunk, with her kids in the house, because a woman she thought she perhaps loved, would most likely never return her feelings. She felt sick. She felt sick and tired of dwelling on pain and misery. First pining after Ted, who had been so disgusted with her by the end of their marriage that he had been cheating on her without Jen even suspecting anything, and now longing for something she  couldn't quite grasp, from Judy who already had enough stress as it was, and was clearly more interested in anyone else but her. Jen couldn't really blame her. She felt pathetic. As if she couldn't be alone if she wanted to. She absolutely could. She loved being alone from now on. </p><p> </p><p>Jen heard the front door open.  </p><p> </p><p>"Thank god." Jen sighed, finding comfort in the sound. </p><p> </p><p>"Hi." Judy's head popped up. "Miss me?" She grinned playfully. </p><p> </p><p>"Maybe a bit." Jen teased her, closing the chest of depressing thoughts she had went through mere seconds ago. Her eyes were holding pure love within their gaze, which she hoped Judy wouldn't catch and read into too much. </p><p> </p><p>" Alright miss independent. Look at you." Judy brought her bag on the counter in front of Jen and pulled out her scarf. "Got her back." </p><p> </p><p>" Thank god. I don't think the teachers would've let us in without at least one appropriate scarf between the two of us.”  Jen brought the wine to her lips, not bothering to hide her slightly drunken state. </p><p> </p><p>"Haha. I think it's a really nice scarf. It looks pretty good on me, if I say so myself." Judy brought the scarf onto her shoulders. </p><p> </p><p>"Everything looks good on you." Jen's eyes quickly glanced at Judy for a reaction, and she saw nothing but a pleased smile. </p><p> </p><p>"Well back at you!" Judy slapped Jen's shoulder lightly. </p><p> </p><p>"You see Michelle?" Jen asked, suddenly finding her socks more interesting than the person beside her. </p><p> </p><p>" Nope. No Michelle." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh that sucks. She must be really busy. " Jen faked a face of disappointment. </p><p> </p><p>" Yeah the hours are pretty crazy in the restaurant business." Judy opened her mouth to say something else but closed it, clearly thinking about how to go about whatever she was about to get into. </p><p> </p><p>"What?" Jen asked, curious. </p><p> </p><p>"Guess who I did run into today?" Now it was Judy's turn to look at her feet. </p><p> </p><p>"Who?" Jen felt almost nervous. </p><p> </p><p>"Perez." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh. What did she want?" Jen asked, suspicious of where the story was about to go. </p><p> </p><p>"Probably me out of her house as quickly as possible." Judy blurted out, looking at Jen with the cutest most endearing puppy eyes she could manage, preparing for what was to come. </p><p> </p><p>"What the fuck, Judy." Jen tried to stay calm despite feeling herself explode on the inside. This wasn't information she wanted to receive on an already bad day after 3 glasses of wine. "What are you saying?" </p><p> </p><p>"I'm saying... that Perez happens to be Michelle's ex, who she also lives with." Judy explained nervously. </p><p> </p><p>"Shit. Fuck. Shit. " Jen went through her fancy vocabulary. </p><p> </p><p>" I know. I'm sorry." </p><p> </p><p>"It's not your fault. Don't apologize. I'm not angry at you. Just this whole messy fucking situation." Jen explained calmly. "But you know… I do need you to break up with Michelle." She added quietly. </p><p> </p><p>"What? Why? I won't tell her anything. And we don't have to meet up at her place anymore, we could just go to the restaurant." Judy practically cried out, making Jen feel like... frankly? She felt like shit. </p><p> </p><p>Jen couldn't lie to herself and say that a part of herself didn't want Judy to stop seeing Michelle, but Judy seemed to really have hit it off with the woman, and what Jen didn't want was to break Judy's heart.  </p><p> </p><p>" You do know that Perez is trying to put us behind bars, right? This isn't some fucking teenagers shoplifting for kicks, it's two adult women, who have a motherfucking body count! I could lose my kids Judy. I could lose them. I can't risk it." Jen said seriously, trying to avoid becoming too emotional, sensing that Judy might need her support after this conversation was over. </p><p> </p><p>"I know." Judy was sobbing quietly now. "I just really liked her." She said, with her voice getting high as she struggled to speak. "I can't help but think that if this won't work out, there's just no one out there. For me." </p><p> </p><p>"Honey... of course there is." Jen wrapped her arms around Judy securely and held onto her tightly. </p><p> </p><p>" But who would want me, when I'm such a wreck?"  </p><p> </p><p>As soon as those words were out of Judy's mouth, Jen was already repeating in her head like a mantra “I would, I would, I would”. </p><p> </p><p>"I killed a man Jen." Judy pulled away from Jen to face her friend.  </p><p> </p><p>"So did I." Jen reminded her. "And I'm here. Not going anywhere." </p><p> </p><p>Judy leaned into Jen once more, and let herself be gently wrapped against the other woman as she sobbed.  </p><p> </p><p>Jen wished for a moment, that Judy would've just left with Michelle and been happy. In fact, she still hoped that would've been the case, when they settled in bed that night, Judy turning away from Jen to take her side of the bed instead of cuddling close to her as soon as they laid down. Jen wished she could take Judy's pain away, and even considered praying for just a second, but quickly came to the conclusion, that no god would let a woman as kind and tender as Judy to suffer the way she had.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry they'll be happy soon i promise</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. A new beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>there's a pov change bcs i love fucking with jen and making her flustered</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-----Judy-----</p><p>When Judy and Michelle met up on monday, tension was in the air. Judy had demanded for them to see each other (as demanding as Judy can be while simultaneously being a people pleaser), and Michelle had given Judy her lunch break. </p><p> </p><p>"Soo... what's up?" Michelle eased into the conversation. "Why'd you need to see me so badly? Miss me that much?" She joked. </p><p> </p><p>"I just thought we needed to talk." Judy said, holding her head up high, trying to keep herself steady and calm through this horrible event. </p><p> </p><p>Michelle didn't seem surprised at the serious tone. </p><p> </p><p>"Is it about Jen?" She asked. </p><p> </p><p>"What?" Judy went into panic mode, fearing Perez had talked to Michelle about their legal troubles. "Noooo. No of course not. About Jen? Pfft." Judy laughed nervously. "Why would it be about Jen? Has Perez said something?" </p><p> </p><p>" What does she have to do with this?" Michelle was confused. "Is there something I should know?" </p><p> </p><p>" No. Nope. Nothing at all. I'm just going a bit crazy right now, there's so much going on in my life. I asked you to meet me so I could tell you in person that I don't think this will work out." Judy explained, sadness evident in her voice. </p><p> </p><p>"Are you in love with her?" Michelle asked, not angry, just genuinely interested. </p><p> </p><p>"Perez?" Judy seemed to consider it for a second or two before Michelle corrected her. </p><p> </p><p>"No. Jen."  </p><p> </p><p>"What? No, I'm not in love with Jen!" Judy was starting to sweat uncontrollably for a reason still unclear to her. " We are besties! Best pals!" She exclaimed, feeling like she was lying through her teeth, despite knowing that it was true. At least in practice </p><p> </p><p>"Okay." Michelle didn't seem convinced but probably felt there was no reason to argue with Judy on the subject, since she had already made her mind up about this. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay?"  </p><p> </p><p>"I actually don't think this would have worked out either. I get the feeling that you're not with me because you want me, but because you just want someone." Michelle told Judy honestly. </p><p> </p><p>"I want you!" Judy disagreed. </p><p> </p><p>" But we are breaking up?"  Michelle was rightfully confused about the other woman’s erratic behavior. </p><p> </p><p>"Yes." Judy cringed at the situation. </p><p> </p><p>"That makes no sense." </p><p> </p><p>"I know I'm sorry." Judy apologized. </p><p> </p><p>"Don't be. It's not anyone's fault. I really wish you all the best. You're a good person Judy." Michelle smiled at her warmly. " I hope you find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.” </p><p> </p><p>"You too." Judy smiled at Michelle, a bit teary eyed. The two had grown close in the past month or so, and saying goodbye like this felt very final. </p><p> </p><p>Michelle turned to leave but glanced back at Judy for one last time before going back to her work. </p><p> </p><p>" Judy?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah." </p><p> </p><p>"Give Jen my best too." Michelle said, something in her eyes that Judy couldn't quite read. </p><p> </p><p>"I will...thank you." Judy watched Michelle leave. </p><p> </p><p>On her way back home. Judy was fully consumed by these new (maybe not so new) thoughts that Michelle had brought out. Judy wasn't in love with Jen. She was just very grateful that the other woman would let her stay with her family for such a long time after everything that happened. She was grateful, happy and she loved Jen. But she wasn't in love. That would really make things complicated, and she didn’t want to be more of a burden on Jen than she already was. Letting Judy live with her was already so kind, she didn’t want to bother her with her confusing feelings. Surely, she wasn’t in love with Jen. Maybe Michelle hadn’t even really meant that? Maybe she understood the question “Are you in love with her?” wrong. Maybe she read too much into it. That must be it. Judy nodded to herself as she pulled up outside her house. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Judy got home, Jen took her back with open arms, probably expecting the breakup to have gone badly. Judy assured her she was fine and she and Jen relaxed on the couch, just like old times. </p><p> </p><p>----- Jen ----- </p><p> </p><p> "How'd she take it?" Jen asked, careful about how to bring up the break up, despite Judy assuring her how excellent she was doing. </p><p> </p><p>"Fine, I guess. I think she sensed it wouldn't work out in the long run." Judy said, still thinking about everything Michelle had said earlier. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I see." Jen was visibly surprised. What woman in their right mind would let a catch like Judy go without a fight? "Why'd you think that was?" </p><p> </p><p>"No reason really." Judy lied poorly. “I just got that idea based on her reaction." </p><p> </p><p>"Well it's good it wasn't an ugly breakup, right?" Jen tried to, for once, look on the bright side. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah definitely." Judy agreed, reaching out to pour herself another glass of wine. </p><p>Jen reached out to stop her, both women somehow taken back by the sudden electricity between their hands. </p><p> </p><p>" I'd rather you weren't drunk at the parent teacher meeting tonight." Jen said in a serious voice but the smile on her lips gave her away. </p><p> </p><p>"Shit." Judy laughed. "Yeah that does not sound like a good idea at all." </p><p> </p><p>" I'm already the drunk wreck so I need you to be the sober, stable one. Every couple needs both." Jen joked. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh so we are a couple now?" Judy teased Jen who was clearly flustered and regretful as soon as she had said it. "I broke up with Michelle an hour ago and you're already shooting your shot." </p><p> </p><p>Jen decided on going along, feeling that that would be the least weird thing to do. She regained her composure quickly. </p><p> </p><p>" What can I say, the scarf really made me go weak in the knees.”  Jen grinned flirtatiously. Two could play this game, she thought. </p><p> </p><p>Judy was clearly amused. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm glad you like it. Hope you can keep it in your pants for a few hours though." Judy giggled. She giggled. And it sounded so cute Jen was fighting the urge to look at her with the heart eyes that usually made an appearance when Judy was in her presence. She couldn't let Judy know this was getting to her. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sure I can manage." She said, trying to for once concentrate on Judy's face instead of all the thoughts that came to her mind. </p><p> </p><p>"I'll make sure it's a challenge." Judy winked at her playfully, before leaning back against the couch and turning to face Jen, who could no longer hide her blush. </p><p> </p><p>"I know you will." Jen rolled her eyes comically and finished the glass of wine in front of her. She was glad Judy was feeling better, even if she was just joking through the pain. Small victories.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm probably not going to be updating this on sunday so just beware guys! I'm going hiking with my dog so I don't have much time to write. I'll be back to my daily updates on monday, there's about 4 chapters left if I go about this according to my plans.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Mending wounds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aaand I'm back. I haven't quite had the time to read through this one yet so there might be some edits coming ahead later, but here's a short chapter for you guys whilst i'm working on some more. It's all coming together nicely.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After Judy’s break up, Jen had paid extra attention to her friend, to make sure she was holding up. She told Charlie and Henry to be nice to Judy, not that Henry needed a reminder. And was doing her best to be patient with her, not pressuring her to talk about it, but also not pushing her to just forget about Michelle and get out there. Judy appreciated the sentiment, but since she and Michelle had ended things in relatively good terms, and the breakup had brought out these new questions and emotions, being extra careful around her felt unnecessary to Judy. She felt fine. After a few days of lounging and facts of life, Jen came to Judy with some unexpected news.  </p><p>" I have something to keep you busy and not thinking about Michelle. " Jen said, clearly trying to ask for a favor.</p><p>"And what is that?" Judy asked.</p><p>"Organizing a vigil." Jen said so quickly and quietly, Judy could barely make out the words. "So, you in?"</p><p>" No!" Judy couldn't think about Steve right now, after everything that went down with Michelle and the thoughts about Jen that were just messing with her mind.</p><p>"Well that sucks. I already volunteered us to Ben." Jen said, genuine apologeticness in her voice.</p><p>"Why would you do that?" Judy didn't understand how this had happened. "Don't we have enough on our plates as it is? With you know trying to cover up the fact that you killed him?" </p><p>"I just wanted to do something nice for once okay?" Came out an annoyed explanation. " Besides, won’t it be less suspicious if we are the people throwing the vigil? Can't you just help me out?”</p><p>" I would love to." Judy said with some unusual sarcasm dripping from her voice. She really was learning from the best, Jen thought to herself. "But I would rather not see my dead ex-boyfriends' mother, who hates my guts."</p><p>“How? How could she possibly hate your guts? You are an absolute angel.” Jen felt Judy had to be exaggerating. Judy was such a peach! She was so selfless so sweet and funny and smart and a very talented artist, not that Jen really understood art. And on top of that she was incredibly beautiful as well! Before her mind getting completely taken over by Judy and her beauty (which Jen wouldn’t have minded) Jen felt herself come back to reality, led by the other woman’s voice.</p><p>“I don’t know about that but Steve is her favourite son so, maybe she’s not the best judge of character?”</p><p>“Ah, noted.” Jen already hated this woman. "I'll be right there by your side Judy." Jen assured her. "That bitch says a single negative word about you and I will pull my golf club out. I promise."</p><p>"She's not worth the drama." </p><p>"Pfft I'm doing it for me. Anger management." Jen grinned seating herself on the sofa next to Judy. "We just show up, get a few drinks in you, get out and go home okay? Minimal mingling, I promise."</p><p>Judy was still quiet so Jen decided it was time to use her secret weapon.</p><p>"I'll cuddle with you after." She said reluctantly, despite knowing very well that she loved nothing more than holding the other woman, or on those rare nights she would let herself be vulnerable, be held by Judy.</p><p>"For a week. All night through." Judy laid out her conditions.</p><p>"Deal." Jen offered her hand for Judy to shake.</p><p>"You gave up so easily I'm almost starting to think you're just eager to get me in your arms." Judy teased, making Jen blush lightly as the woman practically read her thoughts. "You going soft? Organizing vigils and cuddling without me even having to beg?" </p><p>Judy wrapped her arms around the other woman's shoulders, bringing their faces a lot closer than Jen was comfortable with.</p><p>"No. I'm a Jo remember. Tough." Jen said, avoiding looking into Judy's eyes, or at her lips for that matter. </p><p>"You can be tough and vulnerable, you know." Judy pointed out softly, giving the other woman's cheek a thank you kiss. You know, for the sake of politeness.</p><p>"Bullshit." Jen pushed Judy away lightly, clearly faking her annoyance and eventually settling into Judy's arms, momentarily giving up on the bitch act she tried to still keep up, even after Judy had completely broken her walls down.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Fool for love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's another one you guys! I hope everyones liking the fic by far :-)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was finally the day of the dreaded vigil and both Judy and Jen were reasonably stressed about throwing a vigil for a man they had killed. Jen was running frantically around the house, making last minute phone calls, whilst Judy was getting herself ready and practicing being just sad enough so that people would still think she is keeping hope alive in her heart.  </p><p>“Hey, Judy?” Jen’s voice came from the doorway of their bedroom. Judy turned to see the other woman in what could be only described as a state of absolute complete stress.  </p><p>“What’s wrong? How can I help?” Judy immediately offered, walking up to Jen swiftly. </p><p>Jen eyed Judy up and down and released a quick compliment, before getting to business. </p><p>“You look cute.” She looked as if someone had held a gun to her head when she said it, almost disgusted with herself, but Judy appreciated the kind gesture. </p><p>“Thanks.” Judy smiled. “You alright?” </p><p>“I could use your help with Charlie.” </p><p>“Charlie? What does he need?” Judy was always ready to help with any issues the boys might have. </p><p>“Apparently a talking to. He’s refusing to leave his room and I promised to take them to Lorna’s tonight.” Jen explained, clearly frustrated. “I was going unscrew the door off it’s hinges, but then I remembered that chat we had about children deserving their privacy too so I thought I’d leave this to you.”  </p><p>“I appreciate you taking my ideas into consideration.” Judy was proud of Jen for not acting out on her frustration and anger. “I’ll try to talk to him.” </p><p>“Thanks. I really need to get out of these sweatpants myself and I’m not anywhere near ready with everything.” </p><p>“I know. I can take some off those duties of your hands, once me and Char have made some kind of an agreement.” Judy made her way to Charlies room. </p><p>The door was locked, so Judy knocked softly on the door, making it simultaneously known that it was her, because Jen would be banging on the door with full force. </p><p>“Please just go away Judy.” Charlie begged quietly. </p><p>“I just wanted to see if you felt like talking. ” Judy spoke calmly, leaning her back against the door. </p><p>“I don’t.” Charlie snapped at her. </p><p>“Would you even let me in? I promise I won’t make you go to Lorna’s if you don’t want to.” </p><p>“Is my mom there?” </p><p>“No, she’s getting ready for the vigil.” Judy said and could hear Charlie get up and make his way to the door. </p><p>He opened the door and returned to his spot on the bed. Judy followed him in and closed the door behind them.  </p><p>“Are you alright?” </p><p>“Not really.” Charlie admitted, looking at his feet. He was so much like Jen when it came to honest discussion’s about emotions. </p><p>“Why is that?” Judy sat on the bed at his feet. Charlie hesitated, so Judy continued. “You can tell me. I promise I won’t tell your mom. It can be our little secret.” </p><p>“There’s this girl at school.” Charlie started talking after a few moments of consideration whether Judy was truly to be trusted. “And I asked her out. But she said no and told everyone about it. So now I feel like shit and I just want to sleep.” </p><p>“Oh. Why would she tell everyone? That’s not very nice?”  </p><p>“Well she isn’t a very nice girl I guess. She’s kind of cool and all that. So now I’m the opposite of cool thanks to her.” Charlie put his face in his hands. “It’s stupid.” </p><p>“I don’t think it is. Do you like her?” Judy inquired. </p><p>“I guess? I don’t know anymore. How does anybody know if they like anybody?” Charlie questioned. </p><p>“I don’t know.” Judy shrugged, trying to remember what it was like with Steve in the beginning, when it was good, if it ever was. “I feel like you just like to be around them. You want to be with them all the time, and they make you feel safe.” As she was talking, she was realizing she didn’t have any of this with Steve, not really, not even before the miscarriages. “And you can be your best self around them, and when you feel vulnerable -”<br/>
Charlie looked at her knowingly as if he understood something she didn’t, before cutting in.</p><p>“Yeah I get it.” Charlie interrupted. “I get it.” </p><p>Judy smiled at him tenderly, and she could swear his lips were curving up into a tiny smile as well. </p><p>“You feeling any better?” Judy asked and got a nod from Charlie to answer her question. “You know, your mom would feel a lot better if you went to Lorna’s with Henry tonight. It would be a great help.” Puppy eyes made a quick appearance on Judy’s face before she continued. “We might be at the vigil for a while and trust me you don’t want to be here when we have our drunken karaoke night.” She laughed at the thought of Jen singing some 80s classic, just barely being able to pronounce the words. </p><p>“Thanks for the warning. I would do anything to avoid hearing mom sing.” Charlie scrunched his nose and Judy laughed.  “I just really wanted to stay home, with you guys.” He admitted uncomfortably.</p><p>Judy felt so appreciative, to have such a wonderful son in her life. He had his own problems, but he was a good kid. </p><p>“That would be nice. I don’t really want to go this vigil either.” Judy pouted. “ But it’s kind of a mandatory thing for us since we did organize it.”  </p><p>“I’ll go to Lorna’s.”  </p><p>“You will?” Judy held out her hand to hold Charlie’s. Charlie reluctantly let her. </p><p>“Yeah I will. Thanks, Judy.” He said, glancing at Judy before returning his gaze to his socks once more. </p><p>“Always.” Judy got up and stood next to the bed for a moment. “I don’t think that girl is worth it, you’re a good kid, you deserve something better.” </p><p>“Yeah, she was kind of a bitch.”  </p><p>“Hey don’t call a woman a bitch unless you want to face your mom’s rage!” Judy warned him, earning quite a shiver. Jen was pretty scary when she was angry. “But yeah she sounds like one.” Judy added, nodding. </p><p> </p><p>Judy came back to the bedroom, to see Jen lying on their bed fully clothed. </p><p>“You taking a power nap?” Jen lifted her head up from the bed, just enough to see Judy walk up next to her and fall back on the bed to keep her company. </p><p>“Just thinking.” Jen said, closing her eyes. </p><p>“You think a lot lately.” Judy turned to her side, now looking at Jen. </p><p>“I guess so. There’s a lot to think about.” Jen opened her eyes a bit, squinting to see Judy looking at her. </p><p>“Anything I’d be interested in?”  </p><p>Jen turned to her and pondered for a moment before settling on a firm no. </p><p>“I would have loved a fun scoop right about now.” Judy sighed. </p><p>“I’m sorry you have to go to the vigil.” Jen was looking at Judy closely. </p><p>“That’s okay. I wouldn’t have wanted to be here all alone anyways. I’d much rather be with you, even if it was at the cost of having to see Steve’s mother.” Judy said, still appreciating the apology. </p><p>“You must really love me, huh?” Jen's voice was light, and she was trying to crack a smile, but her eyes carried a certain seriousness. She was still looking at Judy intensely, and her eyes were studying her face carefully, glancing repeatedly at Judy’s lips, which seemed to go unnoticed by Judy. </p><p>“Yeah I do.” Judy breathed out. </p><p>“I’ll make sure she won’t bully you too hard.” Jen lifted her hand up and Judy scooted herself closer, so that the other woman could wrap her arm around her.  </p><p>“Thank you. You’re my realtor in a shining... pant suit?” Judy batted her eyelashes at Jen, making her laugh so hard that the bed shook with her. Judy felt happy. </p><p>“I love you too.” Jen said after they had settled and it was quiet again, pressing a kiss on Judy’s forehead. </p><p>Judy cuddled up closer to Jen and basked in the warmth of the other woman’s arm, and the sound of her occasional bursts of laughter, and the feel of her heart beating under her cheek, which seemed to be going at such a rapid pace, that you would expect Jen to be running a marathon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>literally nothing could stop me from putting the charlie &amp; judy scene in this fic, i just had to improvise a bit bcs i didnt include the car thing to avoid added drama. our gals are suffering enough as it is. </p><p>and clearly judy is talking about jen right? she knows it, charlie knows it, we all know it</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Aren't you mine?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The drive to the vigil was quiet. Judy couldn’t help but think about everything that had happened in the past week or so, and kept coming back to the thought she was truly avoiding opening herself up to; “Was she in love with Jen?”. She struggled to keep her gaze from falling onto Jen’s face, who also seemed to be elsewhere. Eventually she leaned back in her seat and concentrated on the view out of the car window instead.</p><p>At the vigil, Jen kept a close watch on Judy. Judy appreciated it. The feeling of having someone to care for her and take care of her, was relatively new to Judy. She was actually feeling quite content, until she saw Ben coming towards her with none other than Steve’s mother. Judy’s eyes went wide, and she debated running, until she felt Jen’s hand grab her own firmly. Judy looked at Jen, and saw the reassurance and support she needed to face Eileen.</p><p>“I’m okay Jen, you can let go.” Judy smiled at her, but Jen could clearly see right through it.</p><p>“No way in hell.” Jen continued to hold Judy’s hand as Eileen approached, not thinking how it might seem to other people.</p><p>“Good to see you, Eileen.” Judy nervously greeted. “We are all so glad you could come.”</p><p>“Did you two organize this vigil?” Eileen ignored Judy’s hello and pointed between the two women.</p><p>“Yes. I mean ...Jen’s son, ” Judy nodded to Jen standing next to her, ” Charlie was a great help and Ben gave us some really good ideas. We wanted to take part in finding Steve and helping the family in any way we could.” Judy explained, still very nervous, which made Jen squeeze her hand comfortingly. “We hope he will be home soon.”</p><p>“That’s very kind of you.” Eileen was now more concentrated on Jen than Judy. She briefly glanced at their joined hands. “And this is your...?”</p><p>“Friend. I’m a good friend of Judy’s. Jennifer Harding.” Jen introduced herself.</p><p>“I see.“ Eileen said in disbelief, eyeing the two women’s hands before returning to Judy’s face, that was in full panic.</p><p>Judy quickly shook her hand out of Jen’s grasp before offering Eileen a candle, and exchanging a few last words with her and Ben. After Eileen had gone with Ben, she turned back to Jen.</p><p>“I think she maybe thought you were my side piece or something!” Judy cried out.</p><p>“What? Me?” Jen was laughing. “You do know that I’m like ten years older than you and I have two children. I don’t think that’s anyone’s idea of a good side piece.”</p><p>“That’s not true. You’re very hot!” Judy disagreed. “ And I think many men would love a side piece with kids as nice as yours.”</p><p>“I doubt that.” Jen said. “I don’t see why she would think you would have cheated on Steve.”</p><p>“She really has something against me Jen. I think she would gladly take any reason to hate me.”</p><p>“Well your side piece is here to kick her ass, so calm down baby.” Jen wrapped her arm around Judy’s waist and kissed her forehead. Leaving Judy to think about the fact that Jen just called her baby, and gave her butterflies.</p><p> </p><p>Later in the evening, after doing some non-wanted mingling, Judy found herself looking for Jen, so that they could finally head home. She was feeling overwhelmed and could no longer take conversing with various friends and family of Steve’s. After some wandering on the beach she finally spotted Jen sitting a bit farther away from the crowd with Ben. She started walking towards them, until she noticed Steve leaning closer to Jen. She stood still and just watched him kiss Jen, who seemed to not mind the contact. Judy felt a stagger in her heart as she viewed the scene down the beach. She felt tears coming so she turned away before the pair could notice her.</p><p>Judy made her way quickly all the way to the car, mind completely blank, unable to find a coherent thought to describe how she was feeling. She just stood next to the car, looking for the keys, only to remember that Jen was the one who drove them here and still had the keys. Judy felt overwhelmed and after a few seconds she fell to her knees on the ground. She felt angry and upset and disappointed and unspeakably guilty because she should’ve been happy for Jen if the other woman had found someone she connected with. Judy just didn’t understand why it had to be Ben and why it had to be now. And the more she let her feelings take over, the less she cared about Ben and the timing and the more her mind was occupied by the painful idea of Jen moving on with someone who wasn’t her.</p><p>Judy’s eyes started to well up and she thought about what Michelle had said and she thought about the parent teacher meeting, and how Henry’s teacher had first mistaken her to be Jen’s new girlfriend and she thought about Eileen’s judgmental looks. She didn’t like what all these signs pointed to, didn’t want to think about it so she took a taxi and headed home.</p><p>Once she was sitting in the living room and got a few drinks in, she was crying on the couch, coming to terms with the fact that she was clearly in love with Jen. And it wasn’t Eileen or the teacher, or Michelle that made it her realize this. It was obvious if she gave even a little thought to how Jen made her feel and how Judy behaved around the other woman. What gave her away was the feeling in her stomach when Jen held her at night, and the way she lit up when Jen got home from work, how she missed her when they were apart, longing for her constant presence, and how her heart felt so unbearably heavy, when she saw the other woman kissing Ben. Judy brought her hand to her chest, feeling physically pained just thinking about it. She really didn’t want to be in love with Jen, she didn’t want to ruin Jen’s life, that was sailing relatively smoothly now (as smoothly as it can be considering they killed a guy) by complicating it with her own feelings, that seemed to remain one sided. One cause of stress and frustration was enough for Jen.</p><p>Judy also didn’t think she could handle the heartbreak of seeing the disappointment, anger and sadness of the night of the confession, in Jen’s eyes again, even if it was just a fraction of that feeling. All she wanted, truly from the bottom of her heart, was to see Jen happy again, and that couldn’t happen if she was holding her back or asking for more than Jen could possibly give her. Judy thought about the possibility of losing Jen and the boys, her family, and there was no question about it anymore, she had to keep her feelings to herself if she wanted to be of use to Jen and her boys and continue to be a part of their lives. Jen was already so kind and so understanding and Judy couldn’t help but feel horrible about how much damage she knew had already done to these people she loved so dearly, and called now her family. She wouldn’t fuck this up again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just finished chapter 12 after writing all day, and i just had to add another chapter in, so there's going to be 13 chapters i'm pretty sure and perhaps an epilogue if i get round to it. I'm pleased with how everything turned out and i hope you guys also like it. Though i havent started the last chapter yet so i have plenty of time to fuck up.</p><p>Also, chapters 11 and 12 are both coming out tomorrow if i get 13 written tomorrow. If i don't have the time to start it, i'll post 11 tomorrow, 12 wednesday and 13 once it's finished. I'll try to get them out asap.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Love won't wait</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>im posting this on my phone so ill edit it a bit later</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Steve was leaning in to kiss Jen, she froze. She was surprised and she didn’t understand what had given him such signals that made him think she wanted this. She gently pushed him away after a few moments, and apologized. </p><p>“I just... I’m not interested in you like that.” Jen told him honestly. </p><p>“Oh... I’m so sorry. I think I must have read the situation wrong.” </p><p>“No, it’s okay. It’s just that I...” Jen thought for a few seconds. “ There’s someone else... so.” </p><p>“Oh. I see.” He nodded understandingly. “Is it Judy?” He turned to her just in time to see the panic in her face. </p><p>“Why would you think it’s Judy?”  </p><p>“Mom said something about you guys. I thought she was just being paranoid and frankly pretty close minded but now that I’m giving it a second thought, it does make a lot of sense too.” Steve told her and brought the bottle to his lips, making Jen feel slightly unsettled for encouraging and alcoholic like this. </p><p>“It does?” Jen wanted someone else to desperately tell her that it was alright that she had these feelings. </p><p>“Yeah! I mean you guys are so close, just always together and Henry and Charlie absolutely adore Judy based on what I’ve seen, I mean you guys are practically a married couple with kids.” He seemed very convinced that he knew what was going on. </p><p>“Yeah I guess.” Jen nodded. It did make sense. </p><p>“ I’m just happy you’ve found each other, I never really thought Steve and Judy were a good match. Steve isn’t a bad guy but Judy deserves better. And I can see you’re good to her and really care.” He gave them his blessing. </p><p>“No. We aren’t together. I just.. I...” Jen suddenly felt like a deer in the headlights, being expected to vocalize her feelings for Judy. “She doesn’t know.” </p><p>“Oh. You should tell her!” Ben seemed to be a big believer that this was the best course of action, but again, he was very drunk by this point. </p><p>“No, I don’t think she’s into me like that. Besides she was just in a relationship with someone else.” Jen started giving him the same excuses she gave herself in her mind. </p><p>“But they broke up?” Ben would’ve been making a good point if Jen didn’t already know Judy and Michelle broke up only because Jen killed Ben’s brother. </p><p>“Yeah but Judy didn’t want to break up. It just wasn’t working out.” Jen explained vaguely. </p><p>“But she’s single now?” Ben kept pressing on it. </p><p>“That means nothing. I’m not going to shoot my shot just because she happens to be single. That’s ridiculous.” Jen was getting tired of this conversation and regretted her honesty. </p><p>“Why wouldn’t you? I don’t think it’s ridiculous at all.” Ben seemed to still think she and Judy were meant for each other. </p><p>“I’m just not very good at relationships okay. I never knew how to be a good wife to my husband and he fucking went and cheated on me, and I’m barely able to take care of my kids without having a breakdown. Judy deserves someone better. Someone good.” </p><p>“If your husband cheated on you that’s not on you. It’s about his weakness and inability to commit.” Ben brought his hand to rest on her back , but took it away when he noticed her discomfort. “I think you’re a good person and a good mother and I think Judy would be really happy with someone like you.” Ben was looking at the sea, maybe sensing that Jen was tearing up and feeling vulnerable. </p><p>“You don’t know me.” Jen said through the tears. </p><p>“Maybe not, but Judy sure talks highly of you and I trust her instincts.” </p><p>“Really? She has terrible instincts, she’s the worst judge of character I know.” Jen kind of loved that about Judy, how the other woman always wanted to see the best in people. </p><p>“I don’t think that’s true, I think she just thinks people can change. A lot of those people just weren’t ready to work for it and they take advantage of her kindness and leave her just a little bit worse off. She’s had bad luck in life but I think she has the right mindset; I really admire that about her. Isn’t it better to have hope and find joy in life after horrible disappointments and heart break than just stop trusting people all together?” Ben turned to Jen with a smile. “I think her luck is about to change. She just needed to meet the right person. Someone to keep her grounded.” He pointed at her, slightly drunkenly, but it was nevertheless endearing. </p><p>Jen was quiet. Just considering Ben’s words for a moment. If she were to let Judy know about her feelings, and Judy would for some reason feel the same way, thing’s couldn’t possibly be worse than now, right? At least they would have each other and the boys. And maybe Jen did have her issues and she wasn’t perky and wonderful like Bambi, but if Judy could get past her faults, she knew she would work every day to be worth her love. Jen just didn’t know if it was enough. To Judy it probably was but she didn’t even know better. Her last long-term relationship had been fucking Steve. Obviously, Jen wasn’t as shitty as him, but that was a low bar to cross. </p><p>“Jen?” Ben interrupted her thoughts. </p><p>“Mmm? What?” Jen turned to face him. </p><p>“Go find Judy, you guys should get home. There’s a lot to talk about. I’ll sober up and look over the vigil.” </p><p>“No. You don’t have to do that.” </p><p>“No. Please. Tell Judy hi from me okay?” He got up and offered Jen his hand, which she refused, knowing he had had his fair share of liquid courage. </p><p>“Okay.” Jen smiled politely and thanked Ben. He was a pretty good guy after all. Judy had really went for the wrong twin. </p><p> </p><p>After walking around for quite a while looking for the brunette, she finally heard from a woman, that Judy had already left earlier. Jen felt bad, having promised she would be there for Judy. She decided all she could do right now was drive home as quickly as possible, apologize, and take it from there. She wasn’t quite sure she was ready for a talk about feelings, but at least she had to make sure Judy was doing alright.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>idk if its clear but i actually like both ben and michelle :-))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Loving you late at night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>here you go guys, I hope you like</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She hadn’t driven this fast since Ted,  Jen thought to herself, as she made her way to home, to Judy. Now would be the worst possible time to end up in a car crash, so she slowed down. She didn’t even know what to say or how to act after her talk with Ben. How could she just go back to normal now? </p><p>She pulled up outside their house, and rushed inside to go find Judy. She made her way instinctively to the kitchen first. There she was greeted with a sight of a very drink Judy, who was resting her head on the kitchen counter next to... oh boy, a few bottles of wine. </p><p>“Hi.” Jen said awkwardly, not quite knowing what she had expected to walk into. Definitely not this.  </p><p>Judy jumped slightly, not having noticed Jen coming home. </p><p>“Hey.” Judy’s voice felt very unlike her, it was sad and disappointed but Jen could also pick up on some not very Judy-esque anger and annoyance. Jen knew she was in for a storm. </p><p>“You went through my whole wine cupboard already? Seems like it.” Jen took a glass out and filled it with some water, before handing it to Judy. “Probably should get some water in there as well.” </p><p>Judy refused to even look at Jen, so the other woman felt it was her time to apologize. </p><p>“I’m sorry I wandered off, I just felt overwhelmed by the crowd, I guess. I should have let you know first. I did promise to keep you company after all.” Jen felt horrible, seeing how Judy reacted. </p><p>“You didn’t have to keep me company. If you didn’t want to be with me you could have said so.” Judy told her, clearly holding in some anger, but still managing to speak softly and quietly , as if to avoid taking space in the room. Jen hated when Judy felt she had to do that. She would have rather had the brunette yell at her and at least take charge of the situation and let Jen know what she had done to  upset the woman. But no, Judy was too kind, too good to create any drama. </p><p>“What are you saying Judes? Of course I wanted to be with you!” Jen felt hurt by the notion, but considered the other woman’s feelings carefully. “ It’s everyone else I was avoiding. I just couldn’t take it anymore, people talking about Steve, hoping he was alive, when I killed him.” </p><p>“You seem to be pretty cosy with Ben though?” Judy turned to face Jen, unreadable. “So I guess not everyone?” </p><p>“Yeah I mean we talked for a bit, but mostly he just came to look for some peace and quiet as well. We were just alone together.” Jen defended. </p><p>“I don’t know if I would call it that.” </p><p>“What are you saying?” Jen was getting very uncomfortable. </p><p>“I saw you kiss Ben, Jen.” Judy told her, still making firm eye contact. </p><p>“Oh. That wasn’t...” Jen started to explain, not really knowing why she was even having this conversation. “He kissed me out of nowhere. So I pushed him away and told him I wasn’t interested in him like that.” </p><p>“You did?” This seemed to be new information to Judy, her expression changed from something Jen couldn’t quite read, to confused and perhaps hopeful. </p><p>“Yeah? I mean no offense, but he’s not really my type.” </p><p>“He isn’t?” Judy seemed very interested. </p><p>“No, Judy he isn’t. Why are you even bringing this up?” Jen was still uncertain about where this conversation was going. </p><p>“I don’t know. I guess I was just annoyed you ditched me for Ben.” Judy shrugged. </p><p>“Really? That’s it?” Jen couldn’t really believe that was the whole story. “ You sure this isn’t about Michelle?” </p><p>“What?” Judy was clearly surprised Jen had brought up Michelle. </p><p>“I mean you guys had to break up because I said it was too risky, and now you saw me making out with Ben, which did not happen, but maybe you felt like I was being hypocritical.” Jen suggested. </p><p>“No. It’s not that. I’m fine about the breakup with Michelle.”  </p><p>“Oh? I thought-”  </p><p>“I’m not really interested in her, turns out.” Judy made eye contact with Jen, something meaningful behind her eyes. “ I think I was just lonely that’s all. She hinted at that when we met to talk, and I guess it makes sense. She deserves better. She’s just very nice and pretty and cool and I liked spending time with her but it wasn’t like one of those things you know?” </p><p>“Things? I’m not following.” </p><p>“You know. Like one of those people, you just need in your life no matter what.” Judy was looking at her glass of water, and took it into her hands. “Someone you just feel instantly connected to, who you couldn’t imagine living without.” </p><p>“Yeah. I do know.” Jen looked at Judy bringing the glass to her lips, and thought about what she was coming here to possibly tell Judy. Now could be the time. She could just say “That’s what you are to me.” “I can’t live without you.” “I lov-”. </p><p>“I guess that’s maybe wishful thinking. That you could genuinely find a person like that, who also felt the same way, and with whom the puzzle pieces would come together effortlessly.” Judy said, making Jen’s heart break a little.  </p><p>“I don’t think so. I’m sure you’ll find someone.” Jen smiled somewhat uncomfortably, feeling a tug in her heart. “You deserve someone good and nice, just like Michelle. But someone who also makes you feel all those things. You shouldn’t settle for anything less.” Jen covered Judy’s hand with hers. </p><p>“So do you. So if you like Ben, it’s okay.” Judy told Jen, who just shook her head.  </p><p>“No, I really meant it when I said he’s not for me. He’s a good guy but he isn’t what I want.” </p><p>“What do you want?” Judy asked, almost challenging Jen. </p><p>You. I want you. Jen repeated in her head, but didn’t dare to open her mouth.  </p><p>“I don’t know. I think I just want to be happy with my boys.” Which wasn’t a lie, but that happiness did also include Judy in her mind. </p><p>“Yeah. I want that too. For you guys to be happy I mean.” Judy smiled at Jen before yawning dramatically. </p><p>“I think someone’s sleepy.” Jen started gathering the bottles together before returning to Judy’s side. “You need help getting up the stairs?” </p><p>“I’m not that drunk!” Judy got up and immediately fell against Jen. </p><p>“Uhhuh.” Jen smiled at her knowingly. “Next time you get drunk over me kissing a guy, maybe make every other glass water. Helps me out to not have to carry you up a flight of stairs.” </p><p>“Shut up.” Judy wrapped her arms around Jen’s neck securely as the two women stumbled to the stairs. Judy was practically doing none of the work in their attempt to get to the top, and instead had her lips dangerously close to Jen’s neck, dangerous meaning, Jen was about to lose her balance just from Judy’s lips repeatedly brushing against her neck lightly, which was making Jen’s whole body ache. </p><p>Once they got to the bedroom Judy assured Jen she could change without help and made her way to the bathroom whilst Jen found herself some clothes to sleep in. After the both women had changed and washed up, they settled in their usual spots in bed. Jen lifted her arm instinctively, letting Judy scoot closer. The two women laid there in silence, Jen thinking mostly about the plans she had made in the car on her way over, and whether she could manage to get through any of the emotional speeches she had prepared for Judy. She knew the answer was probably no, and didn’t feel the need for any change in this moment. She had Judy by her side for now and that felt enough. Just as she was about to start sleeping, like she thought Judy already was, she heard the other woman’s voice. </p><p>“I think you’re good and nice.” Judy mumbled  into Jen’s chest. Jen’s heart stopped for a moment, immediately overthinking the sentence, Judy was drunkenly drooling on her shirt and saying nonsense, that was nothing to take too seriously. “Did you hear me?” Judy said into the silence that had fallen. Jen didn’t say anything, unable to speak, so Judy lifted up her head, just enough to make out Jen’s features in the dark, getting the confirmation that she was awake. “ I think you’re good and nice.” Judy repeated, pressing on every word, really trying to sell what she was saying. Which Jen was nervous she was understanding wrong. </p><p>“I’m really not. I’m kind of a bitch, I don’t know if you’ve noticed.” Jen laughed uncomfortably, frozen in place, unable to breathe. </p><p>“No, you’re not. Shit. Do you get what I’m saying?” Judy was looking at her, trying to say the unspoken between the two of them, and all Jen could think about was excuses. She’s drunk, she just broke up with her girlfriend, she’s gone through loads of stress lately which could cloud her judgement. </p><p>“That you think I’m good and nice?” </p><p>“No. I’m saying that I-” </p><p>“You’re drunk Judy.” Jen stopped her, not being able to handle where this seemed to be  going. </p><p>“No I'm not!” Judy exclaimed. </p><p>“Well the empty wine bottles say otherwise so.” Jen snapped at her. “ Let’s just sleep okay? Please.” </p><p>Judy stared at her, her eyes having gotten used to the dark by now, and she looked like she was about to cry. Jen felt pained. </p><p>“Honey,” Jen brought her hand to Judy’s cheek. “You should get some rest, we can talk in the morning if you want.” She said, expecting Judy to have forgotten about this whole conversation by then, or perhaps she would just laugh about the ridiculousness of the situation. </p><p>Judy nodded, leaning her face against Jen’s hand, before letting her head fall on her own pillow, farther away from Jen. This surprised Jen, and while she was gathering a response, Judy turned away to face the bathroom door. Jen kept looking at the back of her head, hoping Judy would turn back to face her, hoping she'd have the courage to reach out and touch her, hoping she had just taken a chance only a few minutes ago, and confessed how she felt. But she didn’t want to be drunk and she didn’t want Judy to be drunk and she didn’t want to fear that Judy would feel the same in the morning light.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The day after</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay so once i had finished this i was like Yeah i cant stop here so there will be a chapter 14 this isnt the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Jen woke up alone. She was painfully aware of the events that went down the night before. Her heart was aching and she wanted to scream at herself for not confessing her feelings. She felt like a coward yet she still couldn’t imagine telling Judy how she felt. For all she knew, Judy could have left early because she was embarrassed about what she had said, and maybe regretted it. Jen didn’t want to find out.  </p><p>After lying in bed for a little while, curiosity got the best of her and she went downstairs to look for Judy. Right outside the kitchen, she could hear chatter. Had Lorna already brought the boys back home? It was barely 9am. Jen sneaked into the door way to catch a glimpse of Judy making silly faces, and telling some story to Charlie and Henry who both seemed to be having the time of their lives. </p><p>Charlie noticed her first, motioning her to come join them. Jen walked in, feeling much like she was going through a walk of shame. Judy glanced at her quickly before returning to her audience. Jen didn’t quite know what the other woman was thinking right now and whether she even remembered the talk they had had. She joined to sit next to the boys and listen Judy tell a story about Abe. </p><p>After the story was over, and the boys had left the kitchen, Jen knew it was the time to bring up the conversation they had had. She was looking at Judy’s back whilst she was doing the dishes and kept opening her mouth to begin to say something, but just closed it, feeling nerves take over. This reminded her too much of last night. </p><p>Judy turned around, not looking at Jen, just keeping herself busy cleaning the counter. </p><p>“I’m sorry about last night.” Jen said, very well aware how vague her apology was. </p><p>Judy looked up from the counter. </p><p>“What about last night?” She said, and Jen wasn’t sure if the brunette was trying to make her say it or if she just couldn’t remember. </p><p>“You know...” Jen was unable to continue. “ ...when I left you at the vigil. I’m sorry. I should have let you know. “ </p><p>Judy’s face was unchanged, and she was showing no signs of knowing that Jen was lying. </p><p>“Oh.. yeah. That’s alright.” Judy waved her hand at Jen and smiled understandingly. “Don’t worry about it Jen.” </p><p>“Okay.” Jen just said, simultaneously disappointed and pleased that Judy seemed to be unaware of the things she had said the night before. </p><p>“I’ll go see how Henry’s painting is going.” Judy excused herself quickly before Jen could ask anything more.</p><p> </p><p>Throughout the day it became clear to Jen that Judy was avoiding her. Jen was certain that Judy remembered at least parts of the night before, but wasn’t sure whether Judy avoiding her was because she regretted what she said or because she thought Jen was upset with her. Or maybe she just did want to make  a big deal of it. But against all odds, Jen wanted to talk, she desperately wanted to sort things out and for Judy and her to be friends again.</p><p> </p><p> After a day of Judy making constant excuses to not be where Jen was, finally after dinner Jen decided it was time to confront her friend about the night before, whether she liked it or not. And if she really didn’t remember what went down, she still deserved to know. </p><p>Once Judy had finished with the dishes, that Jen had specifically told her she didn’t need to do, she hurried out of the kitchen, running into Jen in the doorway. Judy apologized for not looking in front of her and started walking away, but Jen grabbed her arm just in time to still reach the other woman</p><p>“Judy wait.” Jen could no longer take the silent treatment. "Can we talk?"</p><p>“I’m feeling kind of tired, I think I’d rather go to bed.” Judy told Jen, not quite forming eye contact with the other woman. She yawned convincingly.</p><p>“I understand.” Jen said to her, smiling warmly at the other woman. “ But I just wanted to exchange a quick word with you before you go to bed, If that’s okay?” </p><p>Judy gulped and nodded quickly.</p><p>“I can see that you’ve been avoiding me.” Jen just said, letting go of the other woman’s arm, hoping she wouldn’t just  slip away.</p><p>“I’m not avoiding you.” Judy said, not quite committing to her defense.</p><p>“I’ve barely seen you since the morning and we live in the same fucking house Judy!” Jen was getting tired too, she just wanted this to be done and over with. “ It’s not hard to pick up on you avoiding me and giving me the silence treatment when usually you’re following me around like a shadow. Which is not a complaint by the way, so don’t apologize. I like having you near.”</p><p>Judy was quiet, and uncharacteristically still, just looking at her feet.</p><p>“Look I get that you might be feeling a myriad of ways after what went down last night, and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that I reacted poorly.” Jen spoke softly now , trying to make an effort to make Judy feel more comfortable. “That wasn't very nice of me. And I hurt you, so I hope you can forgive me.”</p><p>Judy glanced up at Jen briefly, looking like a kicked puppy.</p><p>“I just didn't want you to say anything you might regret, in case it was just wine talking.”</p><p>“It wasn't.” Judy finally spoke again, continuing to avoid Jen's piercing eyes.,</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“It wasn't just the wine talking.” Judy looked directly into Jen’s eyes now, finally really taking in the emotion that was behind them. The brunette seemed calmer and more certain, like she gad gained a sudden boost of confidence.</p><p>“Oh.”  Jen didn’t know quite how to react, not expecting this from Judy. She couldn’t help but start thinking about what this meant for them, what Judy was really saying. Would she want to continue the way they were before, or would this mean something was about to change.</p><p>The two women were quiet.</p><p>“So...” Jen started.</p><p>“Yes.” Judy confirmed without letting Jen even begin her next sentence, somehow sensing what was about to come.</p><p>“..you think I’m nice?” Jen flashed Judy a small smile, attempting to make the other woman feel better. Judy had tears in her eyes but she managed to return the smile.</p><p>“Very.”</p><p>“Kind of ruins my neighborhood image.” Jen said quietly, as if even cracking a joke was an extremely vulnerable and raw act in this moment.</p><p>“I can keep a secret.” Judy said, slowly stepping closer to Jen.</p><p>“I know you can.” Jen smiled assuringly at Judy, and fought the urge to cup her face. It didn’t feel like the right time, not before their conversation was truly finished.</p><p>“You know just to clarify once more you do know what I meant right?” Judy looked at Jen for confirmation.</p><p>“I do.” </p><p>“Good.” Judy said nervously, looking around the kitchen. “Then I guess we can just leave that behind us ...just forget about it. “ Judy was fiddling her fingers now tearfully barely getting through the sentence.</p><p>“No I don’t think we should.” Jen said now, looking at the other woman with a warmth and love, that she didn’t even know she had within her.</p><p>“Jen, I’m sorry.” Judy started the mantra Jen knew so well. “I didn’t want this to change anything. I really like living with you and the boys and that’s enough. You don’t need-”</p><p>All Jen could think about was that she loved Judy so much and Judy loved her back.She felt like a teenage girl, just having been asked to prom, butterflies in her stomach, her heart warm and full and her brain full of incoherent thoughts that all involved Judy Hale. She felt giddy. </p><p>When Judy was going through her apology, Jen felt a sting in her heart listening to the other woman’s voice that was begging for forgiveness for something she had no reason to apologize for. Jen acted in the moment, unable to stop herself and closed the gap between the two women. She gently pulled Judy closer, wrapping her arm around the other woman’s waist.</p><p>The kiss itself was clumsy and something completely new to both of them. Judy was struggling at first to understand what was happening before fully leaning into the kiss, bringing her other hand on top of Jen’s on her cheek. Judy was struggling to keep herself from smiling into the kiss. Jen pulled away for air, and looked at Judy for her reaction. She slowly brought her hand down from Judy’s cheek.</p><p>“Oh.” Judy said. Happy about what had just occurred but also surprised.</p><p>“Yeah.” Jen mumbled under her breath, suddenly now unsure of herself. The wave of bravery had washed over her and was now only a memory.</p><p>“So...” Judy sneaked her arms around Jen’s waist.</p><p>“Yeah.” Jen nodded awkwardly. </p><p>“I know you're not really the most comfortable talking about your feelings in depth but I'd appreciate if you could just let me know where we are at. I’m getting some mixed signals here.”</p><p>“I’m in love with you Judy.” Jen confessed without even considering it. It just slipped out. She felt uncomfortable with the heaviness of her confession right after she had said it.</p><p>“Then it’s good right? Everything's good? Because I really liked that and if you liked that we could keep doing it. “ Judy was stumbling through her sentences. God she's cute, Jen thought to herself, basking in the joy of having the other woman close.<br/>
"Everything is good, Judy. I would definitely like to continue making out with you.” Jen felt so happy it felt almost wrong. She definitely wasn’t used to this.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>Judy gave Jen a quick kiss. It was just a peck on the lips but it felt so casual, like this was just something they just did all the time. Jen was pretty sure she wasn’t going to stop smiling until her face was sore. Maybe even then she’d crack a smile for Judy’s sake.</p><p>“I’m in love with you too by the way.” Judy added quickly.</p><p>“I know, I got that.” Jen laughed, cupping Judy’s face and kissing the corner of her mouth softly.</p><p>“I know, I just wanted to say it. Feels nice to say it.” Judy said, clearly just as excited about this as Jen. “Feels nice to hear it too.” Judy grinned at Jen, who just rolled her eyes.</p><p>“I’m in love with you.” She said reluctantly. “Good enough?”</p><p>“I didn’t quite get that?”</p><p>“I’m in love with you, now lets go to bed.”  Jen grabbed Judy’s hand and started dragging her upstairs.</p><p>“Are you just saying you’re in love with me because you want me to sleep with you?” Judy acted hurt, but couldn’t stop herself from smiling for long. Seems like they both had the same problem.</p><p>“Yes, that’s exactly it. You’ve caught me.” Jen continued walking up the stairs. With Judy eagerly following behind her.</p><p>“It might take a few more to get you to third base.”</p><p>“I have all night.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this was the hardest chapter for me to write but i hope you found it somewhat enjoyable despite me struggling to find the words. im fine with it for now but in a few hrs im sure ill be regretting posting this at 6am before properly proof reading it. </p><p>the next chapter is going to be out some time soon like always :-)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Loving you in the morning light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>here it is :-) this is literally just dialogue but what can i say i love talking i hate thinking.<br/> also no proof reading we die like kings.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the morning, Judy woke up first, like she always did. Judy was more of a morning person than Jen, who made sure everyone knew they were on thin ice from 5am to 10am.   </p><p> </p><p>Judy looked over at Jen, who was peacefully sleeping next to her, and she couldn't help but smile at the sight. She pressed a kiss on Jen's cheek, like she did on most mornings, and Judy purposefully let her lips linger on the older woman's cheek making her stir from her light morning slumber. Jen woke up with a smile on her face. </p><p> </p><p>Judy cuddled up to Jen instead of getting up, which was a rarer occurrence, that took place some mornings when the boys were at Lorna's and there was no rush to make breakfast. </p><p> </p><p>"Morning." Judy couldn't even say one word without erupting into a giggle, just from being simply happy and content. </p><p> </p><p>"Good morning." Jen yawned and pulled Judy closer before kissing her lightly on the lips, which was something new, something that wasn't them yet, something that had never happened before, but it felt right. "Sorry for the morning breath." Jen cringed. </p><p> </p><p>"I forgive you." Judy giggled again. </p><p> </p><p>"Someone's in a good mood? What happened, did you get laid or something?" Jen asked her with a grin on her face. </p><p> </p><p>"Shut up." Judy gave Jen's face a playful push. "Keep in mind that I am the keeper of all your secrets." </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah you're also a goody two shoes so I'm not too worried." Jen waved off the playful threat and buried her nose in Judy's hair. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh that's what you think?"  </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah. And you seemed agree with me last night based on your reaction to me calling you good girl." Jen shot at her ruthlessly, and when Judy looked up at her, the same mischievous grin from moments ago was covering the other woman’s face. </p><p> </p><p>Judy blushed furiously, which made Jen even more pleased with herself </p><p> </p><p>"You think you'll ever let that go?" </p><p> </p><p>"Nope." </p><p> </p><p>"Thought so." </p><p> </p><p>After a moment, Judy rolled over from Jen's arms, onto her stomach, just to catch better look at the other woman. </p><p> </p><p>"What's with the lovey dovey eyes?" Jen asked, probably meaning the sentence to come out more like a complaint, but the tone of her voice was warm and soft, like it tended to be around Judy. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh I can't help it when I’m looking at you." Judy whispered to her... lover? Girlfriend? Honestly a wife at this point.  </p><p> </p><p>"Ew." Jen looked disgusted. </p><p> </p><p>Judy laughed at the other woman’s very on brand reaction. </p><p> </p><p>"Come on you love it. I've made you go soft." Judy said proudly. </p><p> </p><p>"No not really." Jen said after pretending to think about it for a moment </p><p> </p><p>"No?" Judy tilted her head and pouted before leaning it to give the other woman a kiss. "You sure about that?" </p><p> </p><p>"No." Jen mumbled in-between kisses. "I guess I'm not." </p><p> </p><p>Judy leaned away and started to get up, but Jen was holding onto her hand to prevent her from leaving. </p><p> </p><p>"Come on lets not get up just yet." It was Jen's turn to pout. </p><p> </p><p>"God, you're really such a bottom." Judy playfully rolled her eyes before having a pillow thrown at her very aggressively. </p><p> </p><p>"Fuck you!" Jen yelled, keeping her volume in control so that the boys wouldn't wake up. She laughed wholeheartedly, Judy was so happy to see her like this. </p><p> </p><p>"It's 7am, I really should go make us some breakfast." </p><p> </p><p>"Shit, 7 already?" Jen groaned and buried her face in her pillow.  </p><p> </p><p>"You can sleep for a bit longer, no rush. I'll wake the boys up and come get you when breakfast is ready."  </p><p> </p><p>"About that..."  </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah?" Judy turned to Jen and waited for her to continue. </p><p> </p><p>"When do you think we should tell them. The boys I mean." Jen looked up at Judy. </p><p> </p><p>" When you feel ready and comfortable we can tell them together." Judy told the other woman.  </p><p> </p><p>"I think I feel ready now." </p><p> </p><p>"Really?"  </p><p> </p><p>Jen nodded. She seemed pretty confident in her decision. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, I mean we've lived together for ages and they know you and love you and I love you and we would love to have you as a part of this family. Not that you haven't been a part of our family already for quite a while." </p><p> </p><p>"That's sweet." Judy was getting teary eyed. " I'd like that." </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t start weeping on me babe. I thought this was a good thing.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Babe huh?” Judy liked the feeling of Jen calling her by a petname.  </p><p> </p><p>“Meh, forget it. I was just trying something.” Jen cringed at herself. “I’ll never call you babe again, that’s for sure.” </p><p> </p><p>“I kinda liked it.” Judy smiled at the domesticity of the two of them and leaned in to give Jen a kiss before going to find herself some clothes. </p><p> </p><p>“Well maybe once in a while a babe or two wouldn’t be that bad.” Jen muttered to herself, just loud enough for Judy to hear her. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s the spirit.” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Once the whole family was awake and Charlie and Henry were waiting for breakfast at the table, Jen sneaked into the kitchen, were Judy was making some blueberry pancakes, and she wrapped her arms around the younger woman. Judy squealed in surprise and quickly turned to Jen to press her lips against the other woman’s, whose hands were wondering past her lower back. </p><p> </p><p>“Keep it in your pants Harding. There’s kids here.” Judy laughed. </p><p> </p><p>“Mmmm.” Jen kissed along Judy’s neck before she finally spoke again. “You think the kids in question should be made aware of some recent changes in the household?” </p><p> </p><p>“Now?”  </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah now. I’d like to just get it done and over with so that we don’t need to hide this or anything like that.” Jen explained her enthusiasm, as Judy turned to the stove to finish up cooking the breakfast. </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know you were so into pda.” Judy joked, knowing Jen liked her privacy. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not. But I also might want to steal a kiss or two from my girlfriend every once in a while and I don’t want to worry about being caught.” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I think we should tell them.” Judy’s heart was beating quickly after hearing Jen call her her girlfriend. She took the plate of pancakes and hushed Jen to go to the table.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Towards the end of the breakfast, Jen finally cleared her throat nervously, and Judy knew what that meant. </p><p> </p><p>“So... kids.” Jen started awkwardly stammering. “Judy and I... we have some news to tell you guys.” Jen took Judy’s hand in hers. She glanced at Judy quickly before continuing. “ We... me and Judy... we are...” </p><p> </p><p>Henry was waiting for the punchline and Charlie was on his phone and couldn’t care less. </p><p> </p><p>“We are dating.” Judy completed Jen’s stammering and squeezed her hand gently.  </p><p> </p><p>“Duh.” Charlie rolled his eyes and started scrolling his phone once again. </p><p> </p><p>“Does that mean Judy is not going to leave?” At least Henry seemed excited about the news. </p><p> </p><p>“Not going anywhere.” Judy reached out to take Henry’s hand over the table with her free hand.  “Nothing is going to change we just wanted to let you guys know.” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t know yet.” Charlie said and didn’t even look up. </p><p> </p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jen got defensive. </p><p> </p><p>“Well Judy’s been sleeping over for quite a while don’t you think?” Charlie raised his eyebrows at his mom. Jen opened her mouth to defend herself but Judy quickly cleared her throat to catch her attention. “But I’m happy for you guys.” Charlie gave the pair a shy smile before getting back to his phone once again. </p><p> </p><p>Henry had been following the conversation intently and now he saw an opportunity to ask his questions. </p><p> </p><p>“ Does that mean that we have like two moms now?” </p><p> </p><p>“I...” Judy looked at Jen, not quite sure what she should say since they hadn’t discussed this. </p><p> </p><p>“If Judy wants that. “ Jen looked at Judy briefly to catch her teary eyed stare. Of course Judy wanted to be a mom. More than anything.  </p><p> </p><p>“I would love to be your mom.” Judy was smiling so wholeheartedly, through her tears that the Hardings couldn’t help but feel blissful and lucky to have her in their lives. Henry brought his other hand on top of Judy’s holding his, and Charlie shared a pleased smile with his two mothers.  </p><p> </p><p>“I have a present for you Judy.” Henry started getting up from the breakfast table. “ I was going to give it to you to remind you of us if you leave, but now it could just be a “Thanks for being our mom and making our other mom happy” gift.” </p><p> </p><p>“ I can’t wait to get this gift.” Judy laughed. </p><p> </p><p>After a few minutes of waiting, Henry mad her way to the table with a painting. He stood next to Judy and handed her the art piece. It was a beautiful painted (in Judy’s words) picture of their family. Judy, Jen and the boys. Judy exclaimed her thanks and was clearly overjoyed. On the other side, there was some writing in cursive that said “To remember us by. Wherever you are, we are a family.” </p><p> </p><p>“Charlie wrote the message. I couldn’t think of anything fancy to say.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Whatever. I helped.” Charlie hid his face behind his phone but Judy reached to touch his hand, which made him glance back at Judy and Jen who was looking at her son (!) with amazement and tears in her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Charlie.” </p><p> </p><p>“That’s really sweet Char.” Jen started feeling emotional as well. </p><p> </p><p>“Mmm.” He acted as if he didn’t even hear them. </p><p> </p><p>“He gets that from you.” Judy whispered and pointed her finger at Jen. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah and he gets this from you.” Jen took a look at the message for a second time, before turning the painting around to admire her family. </p><p> </p><p>“ God I have such amazing sons.” Jen cupped Henry’s cheek to give him a kiss. “And such a wonderful wifey too.” She joked lightly before giving Judy a kiss as well. Once she heard a retching noise and she motioned for Charlie to get up. “Come on you too little rascal. Lets do a group hug.” </p><p> </p><p>“What did you say?” Judy looked at Jen in disbelief. “I didn’t know you were a group hug kind of gal.” </p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t either. What have you done to me?” Jen continued to wave Charlie to come over until he gave up and walked over to the other side of the table, to be absolutely crushed by his mothers. Henry, who was in the middle of the bunch, was happier than ever. </p><p> </p><p>Judy looked over at Jen, and she thought, this was how it was meant to be. Everything was meant to turn out this way. It wasn’t perfect by any means. But they were here now and Judy had the family she had always dreamed of and she was more loved than ever before in her life.  Jen’s lips brushing against hers woke her from her thoughts and she smiled so widely her cheeks hurt. Jen answered her smile with a one of her own before mouthing Judy an “I love you”.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>God i feel a bit bittersweet about this fic being done! This is only my second fic ever and my first any piece of writing in quite a while and now ive just really gotten into writing again because of this story so i'm definitely gonna be writing more. I hope you guys have liked this one and i hope you'll like the future ones as well. Thanks everyone for commenting and giving me kudos. i definitely didn't expect so many people to check this out.</p><p>if any of you have any ideas or prompts or such you can hit me up on tumblr im @judyhalesgf. im definitely not making any promises bcs i have a dog and i work like one but if i have some spare time ill be doing some writing and id love to hear if anyone has any ideas that might inspire me. have a good day everyone. :-)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>